i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Who died my cat blue again?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
