Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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