dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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