sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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