she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
