Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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