i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
