I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
