I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
