Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize