I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
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i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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