Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
