He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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