did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
