to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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