My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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