i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
