Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
