smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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