Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
