what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize