I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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