I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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