accomplished twins. life is a go
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We are all done wearing pants today
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
