piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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