I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They took my balls.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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