mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
