Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
