Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
