You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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