I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
