your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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