Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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