I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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