Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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