got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
is it fun? or sober?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
