So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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