The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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