He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
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we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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