chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
