She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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