Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
