Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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