see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
