if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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