I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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