batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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