So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
