I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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