she looked like the before picture.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
