i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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