I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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