Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
