Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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