Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
