Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
