She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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