i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
