If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i think i just lost a toe
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
