Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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